I found myself wanting to judge...to think things like..."don't they understand the message they are sending?"...or...."I know she knows what she's wearing is drawing attention to her exterior!"...
And then the crappy feelings of....comparing!
Terrible self condemning thoughts like...."ugh....if only I was 5 inches taller!"....or "why do I have to be so muscular, why can't I be waif like..."
And then God HIT me on the head and said..."you have more healing to do! You have come soooo far but you need to dig deeper!!!!!" He also reminded me judgment is not for me but for Him. I am to share His truth and then love those as His son loved us!!
I love HIM for that! Because HE is right I DO need to dig deeper.
I KNOW I AM AMAZING so why do I allow the devil to needle me in little ways?!
I am not quite sure but I plan on really reflecting and breaking free from the bondage. From the family legacy of not being kind enough to myself.
I am going to really reflect and spend some serious prayer with a sermon I heard the other week on Thursday at a noon mass.
This simple amazing priest shared how we as a society spend so much time worrying about our physical, outside appearance, that we forget that our body is not what goes to heaven!
Our body stays here on earth...in the ground!
We must remember perspective. We need to remember purpose. We need to strip away vanity and pride.
Thus really why should we care if we are heavier than we would like. Should we be prudent with caring for our physical body..YES! But it should not take focus...it should not become a vanity....because my soul is what is the most important. My soul is what hopefully will go to heaven. It is my soul that He cares about thus I MUST not put more focus on my physical appearance than what is necessary. And I most definitely must not judge. BUT I CAN pray for forgiveness of not loving myself properly. And I can pray for forgiveness for judging. And I CAN PRAY that those who I might find myself judging to open their eyes to Gods beautiful plan for our human sexuality and how our modesty plays such an important role! And then I can let it go and walk with love, grace, and mercy!
These are my humble, raw, real thoughts that I wrote in my journal ...many blessings my dear readers...friends....family...